heh, never thought my dad's church would join the collection. in his defense, it's a sermon title and not an obnoxious catchphrase.

wish i had more than two of these.


EDIT:

oh wait i do

so when i was a kid and snow actually existed in alabama during the winter, we were either so broke or simply so ill-prepared that we didn't have any form of gloves or mittens one year, so my solution was to wear a pair of my extra-long soccer socks over my hands then cover that with a trash bag, and then add another pair of socks. ghetto? yes indeed, but also dry and snug.

LILY SMASH!

here's a halloween sign so i can have an excuse to post non-sign photos of lily's costume this year.







by the by, baby ballard number two is on the way. should be here around july. it only took two tries. my sperm are awesome.

four extremely lazy signs

yes, but all the important ones can.

yes, graffiti is in the sign family

i think they should leave everyone alone.

what else can you say about a moose with a martini?

c'mon..."at it's best?" really?

this is one of those shots that will forever haunt me because i didn't go inside. the best i can picture is a greasy looking asian guy in one of those paper hats and a stained apron with a big ladle saying "you want another?" over and over as he splats pork lo mein or mandarin combination into a styrofoam box. and with each deposit of food, his thin very stressed wife in a kimono that looks more like a costume than something she's actually comfortable wearing watches with an eagle's eyes and rapidly punches in numbers on an old electric cash register. and the buzzing sound of the register typing bright blue letters on receipt paper as it spins on that little wheel is in a perfect rhythm with the soggy thuds of more and more food piling into the box. and you realise that this wonderful cacophony has fallen in tune with the beating of your heart. it is the song of your very life. it's the chorus of your money leaving and your health declining with each spoonful, but you can't quit now, it's too good of a deal! you'll never find chinese food at these prices again! the idea of stopping and missing out on such a great bargain is simply too much to bear and so you sit and you watch and box grows heavier and heavier in your hands and the receipt paper is now cascading over the edge of counter and lowering itself to the floor, but still you don't stop, you can never stop, because dear god, it's only 1.25 per scoop!

patriotic acorns? it really is a treasure forest!

sorry, but all the loopy letters in the world can't make up for that horrible spelling.

what was that noise?

these two were taken at an old abandoned state park in arkansas where i camped out. one of the most nervous nights of my life i believe. it was my first stop on a road trip that sandwich and i took to texas.

i can't believe they put the eggs in the bottom again!

obviously, the "munford grocery outlet" is a banner that was just added to this sign. does that mean there is a factory somewhere that churns out blank signs with ladies carrying sacks of groceries? do they have different templates available? could you get a man or a child carrying groceries? or an asian person for your korean market? what if you owned a bakery, could you have the woman carrying bread? the possibilities are endless.

$6.00 per lb.

one of my favorite signs ever. this guy is about 20 or so miles from gulf shores. i don't really understand what's going on with his shoes.

an introduction...

i guess my first post should explain how i have an (unhealthy?) obsession with photographing signs. i could talk about how i'm constantly pulling over no matter how late we are or how tired my wife is of being in the car, just so i can shoot an obnoxious church quote or the clever name of a non-chain now-defunct business. i could yammer on about the times i've kicked myself for not having a camera in the car and being on a stretch of road that i most likely would never visit again and seeing the one perfect sign that would just be the best addition to my collection and that's it, this time i'm gonna come back later because it's too good to pass up but of course i go home and get distracted by mandarin oranges or volume eight of preacher and within minutes i've forgotten about the best photo that never was. i could wax philosophical about how it seems that our chances of seeing a sign that isn't some corporate logo or copyrighted phrase diminish as time marches on and how i'm not really some bored almost 30-year-old with a camera and computer, but in truth an unsung hero who is saying "take that, the man!" by preserving the memory of independent, small business america with my tragic and soulful photography. i could come from another angle with this opening post, however, and write a haphazard paragraph that has nothing to do with signs but instead talks about the time that walter the hockey puck went on an adventure with some random animal with an equally charming name in the hopes that readers would think to themselves, "oh my stars, but this fellow is funny! where does he come up with this nutty randomness? these little stories of his are completely original and not at all the product of some repetitive formula that he uses to show off his impressive vocabulary and charming wit, thus gaining a very small amount of satisfaction from having one(two at the most) people uttering the phrase 'have you seen his blog? omg he's soooooo funny. i lol'd my ass off!' " or......i could be even more clever and say something to the tune of "i like taking pictures of signs. so off we go!" and proceed to post the photos with no further commentary. but i believe that instead i'll just leave all the stuff i typed above, thus being a champion of sarcasm and wit and overall ruler of how to be cool while surfing the world wide interwebmation superhighway.

but seriously. i do enjoy photography. it's first and foremost an enjoyable hobby, though i do dabble in making a small amount of money from it. i have a livejournal which used to be my outlet for the noise you see up above, a place to keep up with the latest posting trends, and a record of my family's u.s. travels. (also, even tho only cary norton and my sister will appreciate it, i simply MUST point out that the title of almost every single post was a MST3K quote.) i pretty much only use it now to post photos of our trips, which is only like twice a year. so i guess i'm starting this blog as something that's more simple and easy to keep updated and to share my love of signs with the handful of friends that'll look at this thing once or twice and then forget all about it.

so after all that malarkey here are three signs to start this thing off:


this was one of the first signs i ever photographed. it seems very unnecessary. do people really try to just build structures in a graveyard without telling anyone?


part of a "do not feed wildlife" information board at the black canyon of the gunnison national park. looks like the artist was heavily influenced by gary larson's "the far side."


i'll be posting a lot of these. i suppose this is my "sub-obsession" within my sign fascination. i dream of one day putting all my church signs into a book and getting it published, but A) i don't have the first clue how to do that, B) it's probably already been done, C) i don't think the american christian church need any more help looking ridiculous.

so welcome to the new blog and thanks for bearing with this first entry. i assure you that future posts won't be nearly as annoying.